Being vulnerable is never easy but I’m about to finally share something with you. These self portraits were done in January and this post has been sitting in drafts since then. Actually, to be honest, it’s developed from other forms and iterations over several years. The reason I haven’t posted it until now? Fear.
It’s now been 7 years since my brain injury. We all face different challenges in life, and this one has profoundly shaped my perspective through some very isolating experiences.
It’s hard to look at something again and revisit it when you’re finally feeling free. When you were very VERY stuck. It’s also hard to know how it will be received. I never wanted to seem like I was searching for sympathy but also felt too passionate about describing how real the symptoms were and the decision whether to share or not always came down to not wanting the attention.
My injury happened just after I turned 30, causing me to miss out on my early 30s. I’ve now made peace with that.
The reality of what happened and the intense dizziness and other symptoms I was going through were completely dismissed by my GP at the time, simply because she lacked knowledge on the topic. This caused a huge pause in finding the right care and treatment which led to a significant delay in my recovery, not to mention caused me to doubt my own sanity.
I don’t blame anyone for being unaware of what it’s like, but I do believe that medical professionals need up-to-date education on brain injuries and concussions which are much more common than most realize.
My new GP found a neurophysiologist who was able to do testing and confirm what I had known deep down from the beginning. My balance system had been damaged. I was told my brain would relearn how to navigate gravity. There was just no telling how long it would take.
I wouldn’t have been able to understand anything like it before. Everything in my body was telling me that nothing was stationary. It was beyond exhausting. I’m finally sharing because being on this side of it feels really good.
I know what it’s like to have completely lost yourself; to not recognize yourself in the mirror. It takes courage to try to find YOU again. This post is long and yet it doesn’t say enough. This self portrait shoot was a cathartic experience for me. It’s quite the challenge to show something that you don’t want to say; something you’ve felt the need to keep hidden.
Thanks to lots of physiotherapy, passive modalities, active treatments, medication and just TIME for my brain to recover and relearn gravity, I’m finally doing much better and I am so grateful.
Instagram can be a negative place but it’s actually where I first found the most helpful information from following @mollyparkerpt. A physiotherapist going through her own recovery.
When it comes to healthcare it’s so important to be your own advocate. If you can’t be that for yourself, ask someone close to you for help. Seriously. Get over yourself and just ask.
If you or anyone in your life is going through a brain injury and has questions, please reach out and ask me. I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.
I also want to thank physiotherapists @naz_tig (@chilliwackphysiohub) and @natasha.wilch for their support.